In January, May 17th seemed so far off. And now, it's a few hours away.
Tomorrow is the day I will become new. I will say bye bye to the God-given part of me that needs to be retired and removed, and will meet my new "breast" after tissue is taken from my lower abdomen and re-worked to create it.
I put the word breast in quotes because the new one will never be a real breast, it can't possibly be. The real one is a miracle of life that worked hard to nurse two babies and help me give them the best start in life I could possibly give. The new one will be a miracle too, but of plastic surgery, and this one will also work hard, to keep me feeling and looking normal.
Those babies? They are now ages 17 and 15, beautifully healthy, and one of them actually still remembers with a smile that amazing nursing bonding time between her and her Mamma. My daughter was late giver-upper of nursing, and I let it go on for longer than most people feel comfortable with. I was one of "those mothers" who got sideways stares and subtle and not-so-subtle stares and glares, judgments both unspoken and spoken....But I didn't care. It's what my daughter needed at the time.
Other than the memories of nursing my children, which of course I'll always have, I'm quite ok with the change and loss that I'm about to undergo. Not gonna lie though, I'm a bit nervous about the surgery itself, which is going to take all day, and I know the recovery period is going to be hard. But I'm not sad. I'm not mad. I'm relieved. To know that the cancer will finally be OUT!
A little over a week ago, an old friend contacted me, checking in to see how I was doing, and referred me to this book. The title alone hooked me... heal faster! YES!
I immediately ordered it online and it came the next day. No time to waste! I read it cover to cover in record time. It outlines how to calm yourself before surgery, and how to use guided imagery techniques to help with pain management afterward, and includes a CD to practice with. The author cites study after study of people needing LESS pain medication, and having excellent healing outcomes. The best part, for me, was that many of the studies were done right here in Boston, in the very hospitals that I go to. It made it more valid for me, I guess. I'm medical, I'm science-minded, I need evidence-based medicine. And this was it, and so I gave it a try. I've practiced this week on my own with the CD, and additionally one of the OR nurses from the hospital where I'll be having surgery called me last night and guided me through a 30 minute relaxation using my own story, with my own descriptions of times and places that I've felt the most relaxed. I'm a believer now: I had had a headache for two days when the nurse called, and after going through the 30 minutes with the OR nurse, my headache was gone!
One of the things the book reminded me of was the power of positive statements to get a desired outcome. I knew that from PT school and from years of work experience. But I learned that we are very susceptible to suggestion when being put under anesthesia, and this can be used to our advantage with the use of what the author calls Healing Statements. Basically, the anesthesiologist (or the surgeon, or OR nurse) says, "Following this operation, you will feel comfortable and heal very well," as you are going under. It is repeated 5 times as you are falling asleep, and later when waking you up another variation is said to you, along with suggestions that you can customize to your own situation.
Here's what also helps people heal: knowing that they are cared about. And I've been so lucky during this thing to have that in abundance. Family and friends of mine have been amazing. And all my caregivers at Dana Farber Cancer Institute, and Brigham & Women's Hospital. All of that love comes with me tomorrow morning when I get wheeled into that O.R..... thanks everyone. I'll write again when I can.
Tomorrow is the day I will become new. I will say bye bye to the God-given part of me that needs to be retired and removed, and will meet my new "breast" after tissue is taken from my lower abdomen and re-worked to create it.
I put the word breast in quotes because the new one will never be a real breast, it can't possibly be. The real one is a miracle of life that worked hard to nurse two babies and help me give them the best start in life I could possibly give. The new one will be a miracle too, but of plastic surgery, and this one will also work hard, to keep me feeling and looking normal.
Those babies? They are now ages 17 and 15, beautifully healthy, and one of them actually still remembers with a smile that amazing nursing bonding time between her and her Mamma. My daughter was late giver-upper of nursing, and I let it go on for longer than most people feel comfortable with. I was one of "those mothers" who got sideways stares and subtle and not-so-subtle stares and glares, judgments both unspoken and spoken....But I didn't care. It's what my daughter needed at the time.
Other than the memories of nursing my children, which of course I'll always have, I'm quite ok with the change and loss that I'm about to undergo. Not gonna lie though, I'm a bit nervous about the surgery itself, which is going to take all day, and I know the recovery period is going to be hard. But I'm not sad. I'm not mad. I'm relieved. To know that the cancer will finally be OUT!
A little over a week ago, an old friend contacted me, checking in to see how I was doing, and referred me to this book. The title alone hooked me... heal faster! YES!
I immediately ordered it online and it came the next day. No time to waste! I read it cover to cover in record time. It outlines how to calm yourself before surgery, and how to use guided imagery techniques to help with pain management afterward, and includes a CD to practice with. The author cites study after study of people needing LESS pain medication, and having excellent healing outcomes. The best part, for me, was that many of the studies were done right here in Boston, in the very hospitals that I go to. It made it more valid for me, I guess. I'm medical, I'm science-minded, I need evidence-based medicine. And this was it, and so I gave it a try. I've practiced this week on my own with the CD, and additionally one of the OR nurses from the hospital where I'll be having surgery called me last night and guided me through a 30 minute relaxation using my own story, with my own descriptions of times and places that I've felt the most relaxed. I'm a believer now: I had had a headache for two days when the nurse called, and after going through the 30 minutes with the OR nurse, my headache was gone!
One of the things the book reminded me of was the power of positive statements to get a desired outcome. I knew that from PT school and from years of work experience. But I learned that we are very susceptible to suggestion when being put under anesthesia, and this can be used to our advantage with the use of what the author calls Healing Statements. Basically, the anesthesiologist (or the surgeon, or OR nurse) says, "Following this operation, you will feel comfortable and heal very well," as you are going under. It is repeated 5 times as you are falling asleep, and later when waking you up another variation is said to you, along with suggestions that you can customize to your own situation.
Here's what also helps people heal: knowing that they are cared about. And I've been so lucky during this thing to have that in abundance. Family and friends of mine have been amazing. And all my caregivers at Dana Farber Cancer Institute, and Brigham & Women's Hospital. All of that love comes with me tomorrow morning when I get wheeled into that O.R..... thanks everyone. I'll write again when I can.
Wishing you all the best on your surgery and recovery Laura!! I think your outlook and plan for recovery will bring you the greatest of results!!!
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